Match Report vs Cavaliers
11 June 2023 @ Pontcanna (Skipper Jim, report Steveo)
"When something is festering in your memory or your
imagination, laws of silence don't work, it's just like shutting
a door and locking it on a house on fire in hope of forgetting
the house is burning. But not facing a fire doesn't put it
out. Silence about a thing just magnifies it. It grows and
festers in silence, becomes malignant...”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Match reports are an inaccurate science, and rely partly
on fallible recall, invention and cold ( or hot?) statistics.
In truth, you simply had to be there, but, for those who were
not, and for the record, let us retrace our steps.
"And so tonight we're going to make the lie true, and
when that's done, I'll bring the liquor back here and we'll
get drunk together, here, tonight, in this place …”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
It was hot on the savannah that is pontcanna fields; Steamy
hot, with the sun hidden by a blanket of cloud and the heat
of that sun trapped between the scorched earth and those oppressive
woven skies.
Your Author approached the arena of sporting endeavour to
find two bands of men, one fit, ready and preparing for battle.
The other, less fit, preparing for sitting comfortably out
of the heat and already contemplating tea. Two magnificent
structures were almost in place, the Gazebos shading a range
of folding chairs and tables which told a tale of how seriously
these boys took their comfort.
Arriving quietly, as is my way, on my sturdy 2 wheeled steed,
almost unnoticed, I began to prepare myself. I briefly mentioned
to a fellow casual nearby that the game was advertised as
a 1:30 start, so I was early (at 1:20) and how peculiar that
the oppo had been there for nearly an hour already. I'm not
sure he, or anyone, heard me as I mumbled my observation,
so I simply focussed again on cricketing matters.
"We mustn't scream at each other, the walls in this
house have ears...”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Our Skipper’s usual military organisation seemed already
somewhat absent in the bewildering chaos of activity, and
so it became apparent that junior Skip was ‘in charge’
"Big Daddy: What makes you so restless, have you got
ants in your britches?
Brick: Yes, sir...
Big Daddy: Why?
Brick: - Something - Hasn't - Happened...
Big Daddy: Yeah? What is that?"
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
After some time the toss was finally made, out in the oppressive
tumble weed dry gulch of a wicket, where once green life had
been, but now was only dust. The Cavaliers were the victors
here (it appears), and chose to field, perhaps aware that
a storm was brooding.
And so we settled in to our chairs. Our opening batters preparations
were as slow as the movement of the clouds across the sky,
the foreboding heat perhaps already draining their vigour.
Brick finally clambered into his armoured suit of polyester,
foam, metal and plastic and at last, a little past 1:30, the
game was about to commence. HERE WE GO!
"- Well, they say nature hates a vacuum.
- That's what they say, but sometimes I think that a vacuum
is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
replaces it with.”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
junior Skip / little skip ( medium skip? ed) chose to wear
the mantle of responsibility ( on top of all his kit) and
took the number one slot. Alex the other end. Clearly the
conditions favoured the bowlers, as our excellent pair could
barely get willow to meet leather, and over after over passed
with nary a run to be had. Maidens made an appearance (the
unwelcome type) and in the fifth the paltry 3 runs scored
created pressure, leading to Junior skip to lash out wildly
at a wide (*citation needed) and offering up his wicket to
a caught behind for 1 off Deeppan / Dear Dan/ Deardan ( book
penmanship not always clear- ed).
3 for 1 off 5
More entertainingly we welcomed the arrival of Winky and
Mrs Winky ( sorry, Dr Mrs Winky), come to pass an hour idly
with the old gang. Lovely to see Andrew and Kerenza, catch
up and ignore the ‘cricket’. The overqualified
household ( Winky also collected academic qualifications before
‘seeing the light’ and taking up self-employment
as a candle and soap entrepreneur) are soon to sell up in
Cardiff and make mid-wales their permanent home, so this was
a rare visit. Don’t be strangers both – and Winks,
always welcome back if you fancy a game!
Back to the sultry heat of the park as Big Daddy now joined
less big Alex at the crease. Surely now the shackles would
be thrown off, as the ball had hit the dirt for a few overs…
or maybe not. Their range of bowlers, from the diminutive
to the heavy set, managed to use the brutal dry wicket to
affect a variety of responses, from the pea shooter to the
nose twitcher. No-one seemed to know what the next bounce
would be, least of all the batters facing. So it was, that
dot after dot came and went, with the odd single and occasional
4.
By the twelfth over we had scratched our way to 41 before
valiant Alex went the way of his predecessor and was caught
behind off Duffy for a hard earned 17.
41 for 2 off 12.
The next five overs saw runs as Batter No 3, Ninja Cheese,
started with a 4 and hoped to show the way. Weapons of Mass
Wilkes (WMW) did his best to concentrate and not keep one
eye out for the tea arrival, with some 4’s and singles
occasionally coming. Sadly, Ed succumbed to a Caught &
Bowled, spooning it up to Hilleard. Partnership of 18, Ed
with a total of 7. Ed had promised that all of the top 4 could
contribute, a claim that was looking about as accurate as
the weather forecast, as the storm was still yet to break,
56 for 3 off 17
Yours truly next, and having watched a few wide-ish ones
pass the blue line ( not given) he decided to have a go; 4,1,4
, things were ticking along ( Ed was later kind enough to
suggest the single was a ‘your best shot’).
"I envy you--you cool son of a bitch.”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
WMW posited that we just needed to stick in, and so inevitably
O’Reilly immediatly got out. Having adjusted his feet
towards middle stump after a series of deliberate wide of
off-stump balls were bowled, the bowler chucked a low one
at said middle, which bounced all of 7 millimetres ‘high’
and Steve’o was undone by the straight one; bowled Hilleard
for 9, partnership of 13.
67 for 4 off 19
“- You know what I like to hear the most?
- What?
- Solid quiet. Perfect unbroken quiet.”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Now. We all know that O’Reilly is an exuberant fellow
and he is well loved for this trait. Having struck the middle
of the bat a couple of times he was, understandably, dejected
to be so cheaply out, and decided without malice-aforethought
to pluck out the middle stump, askew as it now was, and spear
it pointy end back into the ground again in mild self-flagellation.
The ground being mainly igneous rock, it didn’t penetrate
but rather ricocheted, and off he jolly well toddled. Behind
him could be heard some bleating intonation along the lines
of ‘you’ve broken our stump’ to which he
retorted – “I don’t think so, the bowler
shouldn’t have hit it so hard with the ball”
It later transpired that ‘a stump’ had ‘a
crack’ in the blunt end; not the same stump O’Reilly
had traduced, and not the pointy end which had struck rock.
An enquiry will be held of course, a senior figure is being
selected to lead (Foxy?), the findings will be reported in
2024/25 at the earliest, and if found against, a stump will
be sent to the Cav’s in recompense. Case adjourned.
Meanwhile, we had to somehow double the score at least.
Dave ‘2nd flush’ White strode manfully out to
middle. He had only just been stopped from going out to umpire,
distracted somewhat by the appearance of his latest wife,
and dog, and one of his many children. They left him to it
even though he promised he ‘wouldn’t be long’.
Surely now ‘Weapons’ would open up and start
swishing? A much-needed drinks break refreshed him, but the
visit to the gazebo merely reminded him again of the impending
tea and his concentration was ruined. A wild charge down the
wicket, a swipe and a miss and the wicky took the bails off
McAvoy’s bowling. WMW stumped for 31, inc. 5x 4’s.
“Oh, you weak, beautiful people who give up with such
grace."
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
At end of the over we were 79 for 5 off 21
Patrick up next and ably supported Dave in what turned out
to be a good partnership ( tho’ Pat got only 1 of the
next 20 runs). Pat caught in the deep off McAvoy for 1.
96 for 6 off 27.
Goffy came and went but looked briefly like he knew what
he was doing. Various opinions about him not being ‘nearly
as bad as he thinks he is’ and ‘it’s all
in his head’ were to be heard in the shady sleepy warmth
of the gazebo lounge. He scored a couple of 4’s before
knocking one up for an easy catch in the standard manner;
caught off Burnell for 13, but in a partnership of 26.
123 f0r 7 off 34
El Pablo knew he had little time to make an impact and after
facing a few dots tried to stylishly twat a couple, but failed.
Paul bowled off Rao for nought.
124 for 8 off 35
But don’t worry, with 6 overs left and the unsung hero
Dave White holding up his end valiantly, we had young Liam
to bat next. Surely these final half dozen would bring riches!
Sadly, ‘legs-akimbo Liam’ couldn’t hit
a barn door and Dave white was running out of oxygen. Despite-
or due to – his energetic family commitments, he was
a spent force. After facing nearly 60 deliveries and with
little meaningful support he finally swished once too often
and was bowled for a splendid 27 (inc three 4’s) by
Roa in the 39th.
137 for 9 off 39
Dave W had done a great job of holding up his end, although
as a result he never quite looked right for the rest of the
day. So it was all over, bar the fun of seeing Dave T Score
1 and not out! Liam also not out on 3.
Total 140 off 40
J Hodkinson ct wk 1
A Heath ct Wk 17
W M Wilkes stumped 31
E Stewart Ct & Bwld 7
S O’Reilly Bwld 9
D White bwld 27
P Dean ct 1
G Day ct 13
P Stephens Bwld 0
L Warren N/O 3
D Thomas N/O 1
And so to TEA! A separate report will be required here, but
suffice to say that Mrs Rob made a damn good effort and all
were pleased, despite lack of actual ‘liquid tea’.
Clearly Rob is punching up, as Mrs Rob made a very good all-round
impression and would be a very welcome return visitor. With
or without Mr Rob.
But congrats are indeed due to the latter as the self-sacrifice
of marking the entire game, provision of gazebo and tasty
hot stuff for the interval were all greatly appreciated by
the players.
The interval provided for a scene of two halves; the haves
and the have nots. The indolent casuals under their gazebos,
in their luxury folding chairs, filling their faces on all
manner of Mrs Rob’s home-made delicacies ( not to forget
DW’s Asian delights) as the rain began to finally descend.
The opposition were, in contrast, huddled beneath the trees,
munching on the contents of various tupperwares and shop bought
sandwiches. One wonders if such Casual luxury was wise; the
green eyed look of the cavaliers may have given them an edge,
just as the lemon drizzle smeared stickiness of the casuals
may have blunted theirs.
The rain was easing but no doubt had some impact on the wicket,
softening it slightly, just as the ball also softened in the
wet grass, often times due to Wills inability to throw it
five yards to the hands of any player, particularly Pat who
took a while to get used to the errant throwing.
“I’m not good. I don’t know why people
have to pretend to be good, nobody’s good.”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
And so it began. Goff to start, followed by Dave White (
or Dave Puce, as he was increasingly looking) and second change
Liam. All three managed to open with a Maiden, as the oppo
eyed up the pitch. DT, Ed and Pablo also bowled a maiden each
later on, so good efforts made all round.
The rain had pushed things in the batters favour and they
did start to make inroads.
But the breakthrough came in over 5 as Mr G Day took the opener
Roy for a measly single.
Our joy turned to delirium when in the same over Goff took
his second wicket! Bat No 3, Lawton-Taylor, facing only his
second ball went for a duck.
Cavs 11 for 2 off 5 overs.
What wonders were these?! And Day was not yet done, as Batter
No 4, Deardon, fell during a wicket maiden in Goff’s
fifth over, having struck a couple of fours and a single.
Cavs 26 for 3 off 9 overs.
( nearly forgot to mention this was a result of a frankly
fantastic instinctive catch, moving to the right, both hands
to the ball in classic fashion, taken by our leading catch
taker, who was roundly congratulated by all, despite his modest
protestations that it was nothing really …. Ed’s
incredulity was duly noted )
Now: at this stage our military disciplinarian might have
pushed the heel down, but medium skipper decided to take off
the demon-bowler-Day and ‘save him for later’.
Plenty of good bowling to come of course, and Liam was unlucky
not to get anything for his good line and length, including
one that took off and passed both the Wicky and ‘supposed’
slip WMW; neither of whom quite managed to shake off the torpor
of the huge tea and cover themselves in glory (This may have
been the ball that hit the helmet for a five, it was all too
hideous to watch!)
Unlike Liam, Dave T was very lucky, and after the usual
utterly rank first ball, his second ball got the No. 5 caught
well by the dependable Alex Heath. Burnell scored only 5.
At the end of the 12th over Cavs were 40 for 4 of 12
So far so good. If we could keep this up we were in with
a good chance… if we could just stay on it ….
“What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?—I
wish I knew... Just staying on it, I guess, as long as she
can...”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
And maybe this was the problem. We were hot, tired, full
of tea, lacking some killer instinct, or luck if you will.
Pat ‘the Destroyer’ stepped up but the pressure
of his recent glorious midweek bowling attack, and our resultant
expectations, may have affected him, as he was left somewhat
short of the length required. Pat got no help from the thirsty
pitch and his three went for 25, when Jim finally hoiked him
off. Paul in contrast was miserly at the other end, going
for only 8 off his five, ending strongly on a maiden.
But the problem was that Duffy and Smith, 2 and 6, batted
very sensibly; cautious when required, taking the dots, running
very well when able, punishing the bad balls. Not many chances,
any that lobbed up tended to fall into the gaps. Yes it was
noticed that Will wasn’t quite his usual sharp self,
especially after taking on board extra sandwiches at drinks.
Yes, the odd ball was kicked over the boundary. Yes, a few
fielders had to be shouted at loudly to alert them that the
ball was near them, Dave, DAVE. Yes, Dave White, the stalwart
of the batting pre-tea, looked like he would pass out any
moment. Maybe a storm would have been a deliverance. But it
never came.
“How long does it have to go on? This punishment? Haven't
I done time enough, haven't I served my term? can't I apply
for a pardon?”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
It was a relief to see Ed take the leather and Goff return
to finish his eight, but by now the ball and wicket were softer,
the runs were coming, and there were plenty of wickets and
overs to play with. Ed bowled well going for 14 off his 4
overs, including a maiden and a wicket, finally getting Duffy
( No. 2 bat) in the 32nd over, on 44, with a partnership of
86.
The damage was done. Incoming Rao scored a quick 13 (no singles)
including clunking a 2 and a 4 of Alex’s hapless 3 balls,
and with smith on 44 not out it was all done with 6 overs
and batters to spare.
O – M – R-W
8 – 2 -19 – 3 G DAY
5 - 1 – 24 -0 D WHITE
4 – 1 – 13 – 0 L WARREN
5 – 1 – 19 – 1 D THOMAS
5 – 1 – 8 – 0 P. STEPHENS
3 – 0 – 25–0 P. DEAN
4 – 1 – 14 –1 E STEWART
.3 –0 – 6 – 0 A. HEATH
“Of course you always had that detached quality as
if you were playing a game without much concern over whether
you won or lost, and now that you've lost the game, not lost
but just quit playing, you have that rare sort of charm that
usually only happens in very old or hopelessly sick people,
the charm of the defeated.”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
As is often the case, we were a merry enough bunch as we
slowly packed away. The Cavs headed off to the halfway garden,
as did we to the lounge, slightly slower due to the enormity
of the caravan the itinerant players had to dismantle.
“A drinking man's someone who wants to forget he isn't
still young and believing”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
In the pub we wittered on, Goff eating a turd of a ‘sausage’
drowning in ‘gravy’, Pat buying Steveo a pint
so expensive he had to have the same in return even though
he didn’t want it in order to get over the shock of
the price ( £6+)! Golfers drivelled on about the golf.
The rest of us drivelled on about tour hotels. It was quite
loud, hot, and echoey, and nothing of note was recorded.
“Why is it so damn hard for people to talk?”
- Tennessee Williams, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
The end.
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