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Match Report vs Celtic Hawks19 June 2019 @ Blackweir (Skipper Dan, and report Steveo)

Cardiff Casuals V. Hawks played at Blackweir on the 19th day of the sixth month in the year of our lord two thousand and nineteen

The casuals assembled under a hazy sky with the Sun gently baking the terse earth of the Blackweir municipal pitches … the sunny aspect was pleasant enough but the usual lack of changing facilities meant the reflection of the bleaching light off of the vast fleshy areas of some of the paler casuals caused sunglasses to prove a useful protective aid. Or blindfolds. Or just looking politely in the opposite direction.
As the finest assemblage of modern players of rank cricket were gathered it became clear that it was it was high hayfever season, and two of the Casuals’ most treasured team members, messr’ Tickle and O’Reilly, were quickly beset with streaming eyes and nasal cavities. As distressing and disabling as this was to the sufferers, the rest of the team manfully ignored them and their terrible travails.

The toss was made and lost. Or won. Don’t know, was too busy sneezing and snotting .
Either way the casuals were to Bat.

Swain at 1 and Hirani ( the hayfever Hero) at 2. We had high hopes. But then we often do.
Things started well with the first over bringing eight and the 2nd over 10, some of these accrued to the batsmen.
The third over saw off a struggling Hirani, bowled by the opener Saeed who was still offering a number of wides along with the wicket ball. 22 for 1. The cost was deemed too high perhaps and that was the end of the deadly Saeed as well as Hirani.
Next in was Biggs, aka “…The Great Train Robber” “ aka “Ronnie” aka “prisoner of Rio” … also known as steve.
Over No 5 and bowler Latif offered a very mixed bag ranging from the wicket of our opening … let’s call him ‘batsman’ …as well as five wides and the rest being dot balls : 29 for 2. K.Swain had scored a handy 1, in the duodecimal system, or 12 if you prefer, half of which had come in a single sluggedly swipe, the rest pinched in 1’s and a 2. He was caught, I can’t remember how, probably by playing an awful shot J ( I can’t remember the 6 either but I bet it was ugly)
Our Ron proved even less difficult to apprehend than the ‘original’ and ‘Jack the Slipper” Latif had him nicked for 2 (again by one of those pesky deliveries that wasn’t a wide). You may already have surmised who top scorer was ….
James ‘ the Hands’ Hodgkinson followed Ron in all senses of the word and was caught for two. Now it was the turn of a rare sight, the always smiling and ever awake D Pappa Razzi Briton, aka BritPop, who managed to make the most of his time in a casuals shirt ( I think he remembered his kit) and hung around long enough to score less than kim but in doing it all in 10 singles and a 2. This took an age and he finally fell in the 16th, having clogged up the run rate like M Stephens does to every clubhouse toilet he visits. In the meantime, a valiant swashbuckling O’Reilly scored a tremendous 4 and promptly became another victim of ‘Latif the Wide’ - as his generousness might now be known. Luckily this made way for our glorious captain to enter the fray and save the team from the ignominy of letting Swain’s desultory effort stay at top score (off the bat).
Cap’n Shagger rolled back the years, rolled up his trousers, sucked in his girth and attacked as only he knows how. A four emanated from his first contact twixt leather and willow, much like Steve’o afore him, but unlike O’Reilly he calmed down and went on to accumulate a modest score but useful set of partnerships, mostly in singles but including a brace of 4’s. he was eventually caught, no doubt swishing across the line, the only thing to do in the circumstances. I won’t trouble you with reading about Goff’s effort, as he didn’t trouble the scorebook but did once again give us the classic RUN OUT for 0, that we have all come to know and love. It’s the thought that counts Goff. Williams ( bowler 6) did some damage taking four wickets and the tail was exposed, both Cullen and m Stephens bowled ( for 6 and 1 respectively) and DAVE THOMAS ENDED THE INNINGS NOT OUT!

Casuals Total 91 inc extras
K Swain 12
M Hirani 3
S Biggs 2
J Hodgkinson 2
D Britton 11
S O’Reilly 4
D Lewis 23
G Day 0
M Cullen 6
M Stephens 1
D Thomas 0 ( Not Out )


Clearly this was low total and after much discussion about the terrible pitch and how low it all kept with the odd weird bounce and how awkward a length they bowled etc we had to hope that our bowlers could wreak some devastation on the Hawks.
However, someone must have slipped on the heavy roller during the quick turnaround because the strip seemed to cause far less trouble for the team batting second! The score book lacks some disciplined detail so can’t tell fall of wickets etc ( and can’t remember any of it ) but Day toiled away for no reward and only a couple of wayward wides, Thomas more successful ( but at a cost, with No 2 bat hitting 2x 6’s and a four before a stumping courtesy of ‘The Hands’) with his second wicket bowled for nought, Cullen took out their opener Williams and Lewis their No 4. But with five batters in double figures ( 10 18 21 21 11 ) they reached their target in the last over with 3 balls to go.

Day 4-0-16-0
Thomas 4-0-26-2
Cullen 3-0-10-1
Stephens 4-0-13-0
Lewis 3-0-14-1
Biggs 1.3 -0-16-0

Then exhausted by our efforts we manfully wandered off out of the paaaarrrrk to the nearest tavern wherein we tried to eat our weight in deep fried potato snacks.



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