Match Report vs Celtic
Hawks19 June 2019 @ Blackweir (Skipper Dan, and report
Cardiff Casuals V. Hawks played at Blackweir on the 19th
day of the sixth month in the year of our lord two thousand
The casuals assembled under a hazy sky with the Sun gently
baking the terse earth of the Blackweir municipal pitches
… the sunny aspect was pleasant enough but the usual
lack of changing facilities meant the reflection of the bleaching
light off of the vast fleshy areas of some of the paler casuals
caused sunglasses to prove a useful protective aid. Or blindfolds.
Or just looking politely in the opposite direction.
As the finest assemblage of modern players of rank cricket
were gathered it became clear that it was it was high hayfever
season, and two of the Casuals’ most treasured team
members, messr’ Tickle and O’Reilly, were quickly
beset with streaming eyes and nasal cavities. As distressing
and disabling as this was to the sufferers, the rest of the
team manfully ignored them and their terrible travails.
The toss was made and lost. Or won. Don’t know, was
too busy sneezing and snotting .
Either way the casuals were to Bat.
Swain at 1 and Hirani ( the hayfever Hero) at 2. We had high
hopes. But then we often do.
Things started well with the first over bringing eight and
the 2nd over 10, some of these accrued to the batsmen.
The third over saw off a struggling Hirani, bowled by the
opener Saeed who was still offering a number of wides along
with the wicket ball. 22 for 1. The cost was deemed too high
perhaps and that was the end of the deadly Saeed as well as
Next in was Biggs, aka “…The Great Train Robber”
“ aka “Ronnie” aka “prisoner of Rio”
… also known as steve.
Over No 5 and bowler Latif offered a very mixed bag ranging
from the wicket of our opening … let’s call him
‘batsman’ …as well as five wides and the
rest being dot balls : 29 for 2. K.Swain had scored a handy
1, in the duodecimal system, or 12 if you prefer, half of
which had come in a single sluggedly swipe, the rest pinched
in 1’s and a 2. He was caught, I can’t remember
how, probably by playing an awful shot J ( I can’t remember
the 6 either but I bet it was ugly)
Our Ron proved even less difficult to apprehend than the ‘original’
and ‘Jack the Slipper” Latif had him nicked for
2 (again by one of those pesky deliveries that wasn’t
a wide). You may already have surmised who top scorer was
James ‘ the Hands’ Hodgkinson followed Ron in
all senses of the word and was caught for two. Now it was
the turn of a rare sight, the always smiling and ever awake
D Pappa Razzi Briton, aka BritPop, who managed to make the
most of his time in a casuals shirt ( I think he remembered
his kit) and hung around long enough to score less than kim
but in doing it all in 10 singles and a 2. This took an age
and he finally fell in the 16th, having clogged up the run
rate like M Stephens does to every clubhouse toilet he visits.
In the meantime, a valiant swashbuckling O’Reilly scored
a tremendous 4 and promptly became another victim of ‘Latif
the Wide’ - as his generousness might now be known.
Luckily this made way for our glorious captain to enter the
fray and save the team from the ignominy of letting Swain’s
desultory effort stay at top score (off the bat).
Cap’n Shagger rolled back the years, rolled up his trousers,
sucked in his girth and attacked as only he knows how. A four
emanated from his first contact twixt leather and willow,
much like Steve’o afore him, but unlike O’Reilly
he calmed down and went on to accumulate a modest score but
useful set of partnerships, mostly in singles but including
a brace of 4’s. he was eventually caught, no doubt swishing
across the line, the only thing to do in the circumstances.
I won’t trouble you with reading about Goff’s
effort, as he didn’t trouble the scorebook but did once
again give us the classic RUN OUT for 0, that we have all
come to know and love. It’s the thought that counts
Goff. Williams ( bowler 6) did some damage taking four wickets
and the tail was exposed, both Cullen and m Stephens bowled
( for 6 and 1 respectively) and DAVE THOMAS ENDED THE INNINGS
Casuals Total 91 inc extras
K Swain 12
M Hirani 3
S Biggs 2
J Hodgkinson 2
D Britton 11
S O’Reilly 4
D Lewis 23
G Day 0
M Cullen 6
M Stephens 1
D Thomas 0 ( Not Out )
Clearly this was low total and after much discussion about
the terrible pitch and how low it all kept with the odd weird
bounce and how awkward a length they bowled etc we had to
hope that our bowlers could wreak some devastation on the
However, someone must have slipped on the heavy roller during
the quick turnaround because the strip seemed to cause far
less trouble for the team batting second! The score book lacks
some disciplined detail so can’t tell fall of wickets
etc ( and can’t remember any of it ) but Day toiled
away for no reward and only a couple of wayward wides, Thomas
more successful ( but at a cost, with No 2 bat hitting 2x
6’s and a four before a stumping courtesy of ‘The
Hands’) with his second wicket bowled for nought, Cullen
took out their opener Williams and Lewis their No 4. But with
five batters in double figures ( 10 18 21 21 11 ) they reached
their target in the last over with 3 balls to go.
Biggs 1.3 -0-16-0
Then exhausted by our efforts we manfully wandered off out
of the paaaarrrrk to the nearest tavern wherein we tried to
eat our weight in deep fried potato snacks.