Match Report vs Barry Wanderers 29 April 2018 @ Hayes Point (Skipper Rob, report Will MW)

Goff’s Odyssey

Long, long ago, back through the mists of time,
Before match reports were written in rhyme,
The Casuals stepped out for their first game of the year,
And what followed that Sunday is the tale I tell here,
This tale is an epic to make the heart glad,
A tale of Goffy, of umpires, of bat (or of pad…)

To Hayes Point we had travelled, the Wanderers our foe,
The Casuals’ spirits high for our opener with a friendly oppo,
The glorious summer had yet to arrive,
The wicket looked sticky, batsmen would do well to survive,
For the first time we were led by Rob, Club Vice-captain,
He called well, won the toss, and stuck the Wanderers in,

Martin S (on debut) and Luvvers had the new cherry,
As expected the wicket was damp, slow and heavy,
The batsmen were watchful and the scoring was slow,
And with a change of bowling the Casuals dealt their first blow,
Shakes on for Luvvers and with the second ball of his spell,
He turned one square past the leftie to remove his off-bail,

Shakes snagged the other opener, caught by Will behind the sticks,
Wanderers 41-2 at this point, but here the book starts playing tricks,
The numbers don’t seem to add up, so what I remember I’ll here tell,
….tea was delicious and plentiful, cheese and gherkin sandwiches went down well!
Tea aside, highlight’s from the first innings I can recall include,
Luvvers running a batsmen out with a direct hit from the boundary, which frankly is rude!

Martin took a catch on debut off the bowling of Richie,
And as the innings went on the pitch got less sticky,
A couple of partnerships from the Wanderers took their score past one-fifty,
Which given the pitch, the outfield and our batters, looked nifty,
Wickets for Pete, Pablo, Luvvers and a first bowl for Steve Biggs for the Casuals also came,
Wanderers 152-8 at half time in the game.

Casuals Bowling

G. Loveridge: 7 – 0 – 13 – 1
M. Shine: 5 – 0 – 22 – 0
M. Stephens: 8 – 3 – 23 – 2
P. Stephens: 8 – 1 – 34 – 1
P. Obee: 5 – 0 – 33 – 1
R. Holliday: 5 – 0 – 19 – 2
S. Biggs: 2 – 0 – 5 – 0

Careful readers will wonder at our eponymous hero’s absence from the first half,
But indeed it is this very absence which made what I will now describe such a laugh,
The Casuals started with ten, the man absent Brit-pop,
Who thought he could play, but then discovered he could not,
The call was put out for an 11th on WhatsApp at tea,
And who should answer that call but our hero, Goffy!

The vast distance from Cardiff to Hayes Point was nothing to G. Day,
The Casuals had called, nought could stand in his way!
He saddled up the Audi, ready to ride to our aid,
In hindsight it may have been better if at home he had stayed,
He arrived to a scene of increasing devastation,
The Casuals run chase in need of severe resuscitation,

Skipper Rob and Steve-O had opened the batting,
Rob carefully, Steve-O with his usual brand of t***ting
They took the score to ten before Rob was bowled for 1,
Steve Biggs joining Steve-O, but then Steve-O was gone,
Also bowled, but for 10, the Casuals 11-2
Steve Biggs joined by the number 4(!?!) Will M-W

The partnership wasn’t massive, all of just 3,
Steve Biggs bowled as well, the Casuals now 14-3
Luvvers in at 5 hoped to restore some calm,
His dismissal, caught for 6, only caused more alarm,
31-4 became 42-5,
Will, 17, caught at mid-off by a fielder who very nearly had to dive!

It was with such a sight that Goff was greeted when he arrived,
The casuals making a mess of the 14 overs they had survived.
But Goff was not to be daunted, in the ruins of our innings he saw hope,
Unlike the rest of the casuals, he told us, with pressure he could cope!
He regaled the dismissed batsmen with his plans to bat time, sensibly,
No more skipping down the wicket; this new Goff we had to see!

Richie, scoring 7, and Martin, scoring 8, offered some resistance on the day,
But the Casuals had limped their way to 61-8 when our hero entered the fray,
With 20 overs left to bat, Goff saw only opportunity to bat long and big,
What he hadn’t factored in was the hawk-eyed umpire Steve Biggs,

Goff’s first shot was text-book to a full ball that was straight,
Big stride forward, bat and pad together, no chance of being bowled through the gate,
But what’s this, a half-hearted appeal from the field, for what?
LBW? Given! Goffy, the Hero? Today, it seems not…
Incredulous, our hero gestured to his to bat
“I hit it!” “Pad first” replied Steve, Goffy’s reply rhymed with hat…

Head held low, to the sidelines he trudged, dismissed,
Off he had to walk, and off he was pissed!
Begrudgingly leaving the scene of his own private disaster,
Goff was greeted by the waiting causals’ howls of laughter!

The innings was wrapped up with Shakes caught for nought,
65 a/o, but valuable lessons had been taught;
Umpiring in the game’s true spirit,
Is most entertaining for everyone in it,
And just like the leopard who cannot change his spots,
Goff can’t play forward defensive shots!

Casuals Batting

R. Owens: Bowled, 1
S. O’Reily: Bowled, 10
S. Biggs (The Real Hero of the Day): Bowled, 3
W. Mason-Wilkes: Caught, 17 (3x4s)
G. Loveridge: Caught, 6 (1x6s)
R. Holliday: NOT OUT, 7
M. Shine: Bowled, 8 (1x4s)
P. Obee: Run Out, 0
P. Stephens: Bowled (Played On), 0
Goffdysseus: LBW, 0 (First Ball)
M. Stephens: Caught, 0

Extras: W10, B1, LB1
Casuals Total: 65 a/o

A post game drink at the Merry-Harrier was enjoyed by all,
Except Goff, who 'til the last insisted he had got bat first on ball!

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