Match Report vs Clytha
16July 2017 @ Llanarth (Skipper Darren and report Dave)
Match report v Clytha or THE SIGN OF 4
Sherlock Holmes took his bottle from the corner of the mantel-piece
and his hypodermic syringe from its neat morocco case. With
his long, white, nervous fingers he adjusted the delicate
needle, and rolled back his left shirt-cuff. For some little
time his eyes rested thoughtfully upon the sinewy forearm
and wrist all dotted and scarred with innumerable puncture-marks.
He was about to thrust the sharp point home, press down the
tiny piston, and sink back into the velvet-lined arm-chair
with a long sigh of satisfaction, when Mrs Husdson knocked
on his door.
“I said that I was not to be disturbed”, “I’m
sorry Mr ‘olmes” she said, “but there is
a gentlemen here who insists that he sees you, something about
a curse!”
“Very well, let him in”
The man entered the room, tripped and stumbled into the table,
where Holmes had left his syringe, sending it flying into
the open grate of the fire, where it smashed and it’s
contents soaked into the ash of the spent fire. “You
clumsy twat!” excreted Holmes “that was an A-bomb,
it cost me a fucking fortune”. “I can only apologise”
said the man “that’s kind of why I have come to
see you, these things keep happening to me”
“I’m a consulting detective not a Doctor, perhaps
you should see my associate Dr Watson” said Holmes.
“No it’s definitely you I need to speak with,
Darren is the name by the way, Darren Britton.” Darren
offered his hand to Holmes, in the process upsetting a vase
full of flowers onto the Persian rug in front of the fire.
“Jesus wept!” said Holmes “you’re
a walking, fucking disaster, just sit in that chair and don’t
move.”
Darren sat, and Holmes studied him. “So, you’re
a photographer and you play cricket for the Cardiff Casuals
then.” “Fuck me! You’re as good as they
say you are! How could you possibly know that?” exclaimed
Darren. “Elementary” said Holmes “you’re
in full whites and that’s a professional camera around
you’re neck.” “oh yes, forgot that”
said Darren, feeling rather foolish. “So, tell me your
story, and make it quick, I’ve sent Mrs Hudson out for
some more smack, and you’ve got until she returns”
“Very well” said Darren. “It all started
a few weeks ago, whenever I played cricket the team was losing,
then strange injuries started occurring, three players required
hospitalization on 3 games, and I was getting the blame,.
The team started calling me Jonah and “the jinx”.
“No shit” said Sherlock “Please continue.”
“Well, it was at the next match that things started
to get a bit strange. I was skippering the team for our game
against Clytha at Llanarth, we weren’t sure that the
game was going to be on as there had been some inclement weather
the previous day. Anyway, the opposition eventually turned
up, it was decided that they would bat first as there had
been some kind of Accident along one of the roads to the ground,
I hadn’t seen anything myself, it must have happened
just after I went through that area!
Rob opened the bowling up the slope with Paul coming down,
both bowled well without taking wickets Rob (4-0-21-0) was
replaced by DT, who also bowled well, beating the bat on numerous
occasions but no wickets (6-2-18-0). This is where the curse
struck again, this time it was the other team who felt it
though, their opening bat retired hurt with a pulled hammy
(35). Paul (6-0-46-0) was replaced by Tim (5-0-37-1), and,
after the other opener retired on reaching his 50 (53), he
took the 1st wicket caught by Tesh for 11. Dave was replaced
by Pete who set about taking their lower order to the cleaners
(5-1-17-4). Ritchie replaced Tim and bowled well without taking
a wicket (3-0-12-0), he did however run out th 6th batsmen
with a direct hit as the batsman inexplicably made his ground
but jumped in the air without running his bat in. Will took
the last over (1-0-7-0) getting a run out off the last ball
of the innings. Clytha finished on 158-8”
“Is there a point to this” said Holmes “I
should be off my tits by now!” “just getting to
it” said Darren. “I wish you bloody would”
Holmes sighed
Darren continued “Tesh and I opened the batting, we
made a steady start getting 30 off 6. Tesh was the first out,
caught for 14 in the 7th over (30-1). Will replaced Tesh and
the steady pace continued, I was out next, again caught for
14 in the 10th (43-2). Steve, who had stepped in from the
Cavaliers, was next in, perishing for 4, again caught, in
the 13th (56-3). Rich was in next, and out again in the 15th,
caught for 2 (70-4). Rob joined Will, until will retired after
reaching his 50 (51). This brought Pete to the crease. During
our innings the curse struck again and two of the oppos fielders
limped off to be replaced by various Butlers or possibly Valets!
Pete played some extravagant shots, some of which actually
involved the ball as well, but it was Rob who perished next
for a well crafted 27, once again caught. Paul joined Pete
but in the following over was out LBW for 18 which included
3 lusty blows to the boundary, at this point scores were tied
and one run was required for victory of 8 balls. Tim enters
the fray and the over is played out without score. 6 balls
now remaining 1 run required. The field are all in, 1st ball
– dot 2nd ball – smashed for 4, game over casuals
win”
“Sound like a fairly mediocre game of cricket to me”
said Holmes “Ah!” said Darren, “just you
listen to this. We showered and changed and retired to the
Clytha Arms public house, where a slap up meal was promised.
On arrival several members of our team noticed that they had
monies missing from their pocket books, some had all their
notes taken, others had £20 notes replaced by £10.
I felt we had to bring this to the attention of the opposition,
whereupon, they informed me that they too had had fallen victim
to this felonious act, also having larger notes replaced by
smaller. All in all we estimate £140 - £180 was
taken”
Holmes sat forward in his chair “so who had access
to players portmanteau’s during the game.” “that’s
the mystery, there were members of the opposition outside
the changing room at all times and they saw no one enter the
changing rooms” said Darren. “Was there a rear
entrance to the pavilion” Sherlock asked. “No”
said Darren. “A mystery indeed” pondered Sherlock,
pacing the room, puffing on his Cherrywood pipe. He remained
silent for some minutes then spoke “ This is a puzzle
indeed, it make take me some days to conclude this case, is
there anything else that you can tell me that you may have
omitted?” He asked
“Um! Let me think” said Darren “I don’t
think so. Wait! I did go to the loo before we started and
opened the back window coz it was a bit of a stinker, and
I didn’t shut it before we went out to field. Do you
think that may be important?”
Holmes stopped in his tracks “OH, FUCK OFF” he
exclaimed “you time wasting fuckwit” Shocked,
Darren fled from the room, not noticing Mrs Hudson returning
with Holmes stash, he knocked her ass over tit down the stairs,
three vials rolled into the street through the still open
front door, right under the wheels of a passing Hansom cab.
A plaintive cry was heard from the room above “No! that
was the good stuff, you fucking Jonah, where’s Watson’
gun?”
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