Match Report vs Monkswood
18 June 2014 @ Monkswood (Skipper Kim, report Jesus)
The Casuals arrived at Monkswood on a blistering Sunday in
mid-June. The setting was picturesque, the pitch ‘gently’
sloping down to a tree-lined boundary on the far-side, offering
welcome shade from the mid-summer sun (more on the shade later).
Unfortunately, for this Casual at least, the ground is located
behind a pub, the last thing the author of this report wanted
to be reminded of following his excesses of the previous night…
The Casuals were greeted by the site of many of the Monkswood
players not only braving the heat, but playing football, and
worst of all, topless!!! Of most concern to the Casuals was
the fact that almost all of the Monkswood players managed
to pull of the topless look with minimal embarrassment (a
feat the Casuals would almost definitely struggle to match)
– was the svelte, athletic appearance of the Monkswood
team an indication of the quality of their cricketing abilities?
On learning that they had a number of first team players in
the side, we began to suspect that it was…
Kim, captaining the side, strode to the middle with all hopes
of winning the toss and sparing the Casuals from a sapping
afternoon in the field... Goffy opened the bowling from the
pavilion end with Winky bowling from the other. The fears
of the Casuals were confirmed when Monkswood’s openers
(weighing barely 15stone between them) began immediately laying
into the Casuals bowling. Both batted with class and increasing
confidence, dispatching the Casuals bowling to all parts of
the ground. The score was racing along at ten and over with
neither batsmen looking likely to give his wicket away. With
the score at 84 after 8 overs Captain Kim produced his second
tactical masterstroke of the day. An audacious bowling change
saw Steve-O replace Goffy at the pavilion end.
The Casuals wanted a wicket, needed a wicket and, with Steve-O
bowling, expected the run rate to jump to fifteen an over.
Always one to defy expectations, Steve-O came up with the
goods, producing a delivery that, in bowlers terms, ‘got
big’ on the batsmen, cramping him and catching the glove
before nestling in the grateful gloves of Ash, who had moved
smartly down the leg side to take the catch. Steve-O, however,
didn’t seem to realise he had done any of this as only
Ash and the author (fielding at midwicket) appealed, Jesus
with particular and prolonged gusto, ready to turn and complain
to umpire who had not signalled anything, only to realise
that the batsmen had walked – obviously last night’s
beer had yet to fully leave the system – 95-1 after
9 overs.
For those readers interested, Kim’s first tactical
masterstroke of the day was handing the gloves to Ash and
letting the author field at midwicket on the tree-lined side.
Due to the high run rate, and much to his relief, Jesus was
soon deployed along the shaded boundary, where last night’s
beer was less insistent on interrupting the day’s cricket…
Steve-O’s breakthrough was quickly followed by another
piece of good fortune for the Casuals. The other opener, after
reaching fifty, decided that he’d had enough of slogging
the Casuals bowling around the park and retired – there
was some confusion as to whether he could return to the crease
at a later stage if required, but as he departed with the
score above 100 after 10 overs, he could feel confident that
this wouldn’t be necessary…
With the two openers removed (one way or another) a more
even sided game of cricket began to emerge and it wasn’t
long before the Casuals were ripping into the now exposed
Monkswood middle order. Pablo, replacing Winky from the far
end, claimed the scalps of the Monkswood 3 and 4 for 2 and
1 respectively, in back to back wicket maidens. The number
3 guided a full toss expertly into the hands of Tesh at midwicket
whilst the number four was (according to the book) caught
by Pete Obee in a moment that escaped my attention completely
(hangover + shade = dosey Jesus). Steve-O continued from the
pavilion end and he soon claimed his second wicket of the
day.
Captain Kim, smelling blood, had brought the field in in
an attempt to induce the Monkswood lower middle order to hit
over the top. Extricating Jesus from the shade and installing
him at short mid-wicket did the trick, with the Monkswood
number 5 slapping a flat pull shot for what he must have imagined
was his fifth boundary only for Jesus to intercept, leaping
majestically a full three inches above the turf and clasping
the ball high above his head (at least that’s how I
imagined it)...Monkswood 122-4 in the 15th with The Casz creeping
back into the game.
Wickets continued to fall at a steady rate with the run rate
significantly slowed. Pete Obee replaced Steve-O at the pavilion
end and produced a wicket-maiden first up, removing the Monskwood
no. 6 for 12, caught Kimbo. He followed this up with another
maiden, and with the first ball of his third over took the
wicket of the Monkswood no. 7 bowled for 1, to (briefly) show
figures of 2.1-2-0-2. Pablo, bowling his 8 on the spin, kept
it tight at the other end (and discounting his first two overs
bowled at the good batsmen which went for 19) returned figures
of 6-2-21-2. With Pablo bowled out at the end of the 22nd,
Monkswood found themselves 149-6 with the Casuals firmly back
in the game, in need of just three wickets to reduce Monkswood
to an improbably low total given the start they had made.
In search of these last 3 wickets, Captain Kim turned to
an unlikely choice of strike bowler – Jesus. Replacing
Pablo at the far end, and with his praises being sung to the
rafters by those gathered there that day (mostly Goffy on
the 45), Jesus immediately repaid his Captains faith in him
by claiming a wicket with his fourth ball. Resurrecting new
life from a dead pitch, He induced the Monkswood no. 8 batsmen
to loft a ball heavenward, and before it had a chance to fall
upon the stony ground he had clutched it to his bosom, lo,
and there was much rejoicing. Amen….
A run out three overs later (not sure who got it as it doesn’t
say in the book – I think it was Winky) reduced Monkswood
to 168-8 (effectively 168-9 after Captain Kim declared in
no uncertain terms that the retired batsmen could not return
to the crease as no-one had consulted Kim about it when he
retired) at the end of the 27th. Needing just one wicket to
finish Monkswood off Kim continued with Jesus from the far
end but he was unable to produce any further miracles, finishing
with figures of 5-0-1-15. He was then replaced by Steve-O,
but he was similarly out of luck. The Casuals threw everything
at the partnership of 10 and 11 but both batsmen batted well,
defending staunchly and punishing the occasionally errant
bowling. Goffy returned from the pavilion end but couldn’t
find a breakthrough, though he did recover his figures nicely
with his second spell of 4 overs going for only 11 after his
first 4 went for 39. The last pair batted out the overs, putting
on over 70 in the process to take Monkswood to 239-9, nothing
less than they would have expected given their quick start,
but slightly more than the Casuals had hoped for given Monkswood’s
middle-order collapse.
G Day 8 – 0 – 50 – 0
A Hood 3 – 0 – 32 – 0
P Stephens 8 – 2 – 41 – 2
S Riley 8 – 0 – 61 – 2
P Obee 8 – 2 – 31 – 2
W Mason-Wilkes 5 – 0 – 15 – 1
Tea was an indifferent affair, good quality bread rolls but
a lack of variety in the filling (some muttered complaints
about corned beef). There wasn’t a huge amount of it
either – a possible explanation for the build of the
Monkswood players. A couple of Casuals were also deeply offended
by the presence of a fruit bowl on the tea table, though some
Casuals did enjoy a piece – probably won’t be
featuring in the end of seasons awards. One bright spot for
a number of Casuals was Cheese’s cool bag of glass bottled
diet coke, which caused much hilarity later in the innings…
The Casuals opened up with Tesh and Cheese, looking to get
off to what was fast becoming a trademark quick start. The
Monkswood bowlers looked like they might have a bit about
them, pacing out genuine run ups and genuinely running in
to bowl. Tesh and Cheese were up to the task however, hitting
frequent boundaries and running the ones and two’s hard.
Tesh played a number of elegant drives, one particularly attractive
one through mid-off up towards the club house, with Cheese
at the other end latching on to anything dropped short (sorry)
by the opening ‘quicks’ and punishing it appropriately
– his second scoring shot a 6 which I think was pulled
over into the trees. The pair brought up the 50 partnership
in the 8th over laying the perfect foundation for a famous
Casuals run chase…
The Monkswood skipper, having had enough of watching Tesh
and Cheese dine out on his opening bowlers, decided to shake
things up. The first change bought the desired effect, the
new bowler from the far end removing Tesh caught for a stylish
31, 56-1 after 10. Shakes, up the order at 3, advanced to
the middle…he was soon returning, bowled for 0 off 1
by the new bowler at the pavilion end. This brought Jesus
to wicket, still not yet recovered from his formidable hangover
– evidenced by the fact that it took him 12 balls to
play a scoring shot. Monkswood continued bowling with quality
and good pace, and it was a ball of that kind that took the
next wicket – Cheese playing forward to a full, swinging
delivery that left him just enough to find the edge and the
keeper’s gloves, caught behind for 21. 71-3 after 16,
with the Casual’s chase faltering. Captain Kim came
to the wicket next and set about building a partnership with
the ailing Jesus. The run rate remained at a steady 6 an over
for the next 10, with Kim looking comfortable picking off
the bad ball down to the short boundary and Jesus gradually
sweating out the last of the beer, his vision clearing to
the extent that he began to be able to see the ball and even
occasionally hit it to the rope. Confidence began to rise
in the middle, with both batsmen beginning to play their natural
game and the runs continuing to flow.
Obviously feeling the effect of this rising confidence (or
possibly the last evil hurrah of the beer) Jesus’s recently
regained concentration flagged and he was caught on the crease
playing (and missing) across the line to a straight one, leaving
Tesh no option but to give him out LBW for 27. Ash replaced
Jesus but quickly followed him back to the pavilion, bowled
for 0. 130-5 after 25. Out strode Winky, ready to steady the
ship and bat for his Captain, a role he accomplished ably
until his captain forgot to bat for himself, holing out at
mid-wicket off a wide full toss for 45, the kind of ball that
everyone expected Kim to deposit deep into the trees. This
was of particular annoyance to Steve-O (and great entertainment
to everyone else) who, having achieved victory in an epic
struggle with the lid of one of Cheese’s diet cokes
and a pair of pliers, was unable to take that first cool refreshing
sip as he was summoned to the middle to bat.
At this point we were 162-6 after 31 with hopes fading fast,
requiring 78 from the last 9 overs and running out of recognised
batsmen... Steve-O briefly kept the Casuals hopes alive with
a couple of lusty (thirsty) blows, all set to take the Casuals
run chase down to the wire before he was cruelly run out for
12 with a direct hit, 170-8. Pablo joined Winky in the middle,
and both batsmen continued to plug away but the game was slipping
away from the Casuals and when Andy was bowled for a determined
20, the fat lady could be heard gargling in her dressing room.
In came Goffy to join Pablo, who was out next for 10, bringing
Pete Obee in at number 11. The 8th Monkswood bowler took just
2 balls to finish the game, Goffy taking him for 2 off his
first ball before being bowled by his second. The Casuals
all out for 192, with Pete Obee the man not out on 0, losing
by 47 runs.
Hirani, ct, bwl James – 31
Stewart, ct behind, bwl Molsen – 21
M Stephens, bowled, Simons – 0
W Mason-Wilkes, LBW, Brooks – 27
K Swain, ct, bwl Molsen – 45
A Akbari, bowled, Brooks – 0
A Hood, bowled, Simons – 20
S O’Reilly, run out – 12
P Stephens, ct, bwl Cavalli – 10
G Day, bowled, Kilminster – 2
P Obee, not out – 0
A decent effort from the Casuals who may have gotten a bit
closer if one of the top 4 or 5 could have turned their start
into a big score. Post-game beers were enjoyed by some of
the Casuals while Jesus slunk off to nurse the remnants of
his hangover…
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