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Match Report vs Consmen 25 June 2013 @ Wenvoe (Skipper Shakey, report Britpop)

Now I have a poor memory at the best of times and this is certainly not the best of times, so leaving this report a week probably wasn't the best idea, although I must say the more I forget about this particular match the better, but we'll get to that later.

God knows who won the Toss but the Cazh took to the field and the Consmen's openers strode to the crease to a rapturous and generous applause.

Winky took the new ball and started right on the money with just 2 runs coming off his 1st over, struggled a little in his 2nd, came back well with a wicket in his 3rd over and finished neatly with figures of 1-17.

His opening partner Pete 'The Kiwi' Tangy struggled with his line and went for 12 off his first and continued in the same fashion to finish with figures of 0-38.

Up stepped Dan next with what can only be described as a mesmerising display of straight bowling, one by one they came to the crease, and one by one they left with their egos and middle stumps flattened.

Dan's figures of 5-9 of his 4 must be close to his best and the best figures of the season for any casual, but I'll leave that to a much more capable statto in Shakey to work out.

The Brothers Stephens finished off the Consmen with some terrific bowling from Pablo and some unplayable stuff from Shakey with some lovely flight and guile to finish with 1-7 off 2 and 2-5 off 3 respectively.

Just a few mentions in the field, Dan backed up his fine bowling display with a lovely run out, Gaz took a lovely catch over his head at short cover and Ash ran his socks off to keep the total modest.

So the Consmen finished on their 2nd highest total of the season of 77 with their top scorer being us (extras).

Britpop and Tesh tickle were asked to pad up by Shakes with a warning from Ash to 'FUCKING GET ON WITH IT' which clearly put too much pressure on the nervy Mr Britton.

What followed was to all that had the displeasure to witness it, one of the worst not out's in the Casuals 20 year history.

Britpop swished and swatted, huffed and puffed, but couldn’t connect with the ball.

Test smacked a few and got out, Tim played a few lovely shots in particular through the covers and got out, and in between came the most contentious moment of the game.

In came their slowish right armer, Britpop swished again and everyone in the ground clearly heard a nick apart from himself and umpire Dan (who had be paid earlier). The appeals reverberated around the ground and were most vocal from his own team and waiting batsmen Ash and Gareth.

'Walk you useless c*nt' was one of the harsher comments heard in the middle, but they were probably right and he really should have put himself and everyone else out of their collective misery.

But the selfish twat didn't and was soon joined at the crease by the majestic Jesus Christ himself.

Jesus then met Britpop in the middle for some brief spiritual healing and a few short prayers to try and help his hapless partner out.

This seemed to do the trick and amazingly, and admittedly with the help of some shocking fielding, he even managed a couple of heaven sent boundary’s.

Will then confidently and quickly finished things off with a sharp 17 to win the match in the 17th over to win by 8 wickets.

Jesus and his hapless YOUNG disciple strode off the pitch to some harsh glares and to this day hasn't been spoken to by at least 2 of the unused batsmen.

Sorry Ash and Gaz...................although in the years to come people will forget how he got there, and it doesn't half help ones average to have a couple of not outs in a season, as another club member might say.....

Winky 4-17-1
Tangy 4-38-0
Dan 4-9-5
Brother Shakey 2.5-5-2
Brother Pablo 2-7-1

D Britton 23 NOT OUT,
Tesh 9&out
Tim 11 &out
Jesus 17 very quickly and also not out.


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