Match Report vs Barry West End 22 July 2012

Some of you will remember Dr Rubbish batting himself off his feet and falling in a graceless huddle on the ground. Some will remember Steve Stokes playing a pull shot and then falling to the ground clutching his chest (to stop his fags falling out of his chest pocket - oh we laughed). There was also the time I impaled Rob Chase with a bat in the groin running between the wickets. But for sheer comedy value we had one priceless event today and who cares about the rest of the match.

Winkie was bowling to the West End left hander who had played some sumptuous extra cover and off drives and seemed to be getting his eye in. The outfield, although covered in freshly cut grass, was quicker than the dead wicket we were playing on. So it was no surprise when a well-timed shot just wide of the man at mid-off sped towards the boundary. Goff, the fielder, must have sensed the ball was travelling fairly quickly and his chances of cutting it off were slim. But then again the ball was going slightly up the slope to the fence next to the clubhouse. It may also hit a mound of grass and slow up. I know, says Goff, I will pelt after it as fast as I can and see what happens.
So Goff set off and ran as fast as he could. Maybe I could do a dive, he thinks. Should I dive forward on my belly to drag the ball back? Or should I run past the ball, dive to the side of the ball, and drag it back?

Hmmm, not sure. Lets just keep running thinks Goff.
Goff runs and runs and then thinks.....
Fuck thats the fence!

Where did that come from. Quick, he thinks again with less time now, lets dive on my belly in one last heroic act. Lets save that near certain four.

There comes a time when any man approaches his limitations and decides on his course in life. Goff found that time and...... well, he tripped. You can't run fast AND dive on your belly. Goff tripped just as the ball crossed the faint white line a few inches in front of the fence. A split second later an airborne Goff, battling the laws of physics in a desperate attempt to save his own face (in two ways), crashed head-first into the fence.

In an instant four Casuals dropped to the ground in uncontrollable laughter. Then Goff bouced back off the fence, did a double pike and bound back to his fielding position, like Del Trotter at the wine bar, hoping nobody had seen him crash gracelessly and frighteningly into the fence (which was still shaking with the force of the impact). Another two Casuals fell to the floor as Goff vainly tried to ignore the enormity of his fielding calamity.

He grinned, as if nothing had happened. He didn't say a word - what could he say. Even Goff was lost for words.
A few seconds later and Goff stopped the very next ball, a well-hit drive, with all the brilliance he had misplaced in his previous attempt.

Priceless. Thanks Goff.

We won the toss. Had a good solid start, Kim hit a few. Britpop helped Kim. Then Richie and Tom (Goff's nephew) had some fun and we posted 196-6. Kim 83, Tom 34, Richie 31*.
Foxy did an excellent Tea with lots of cake and some very nice strawberries.
After good initial chasing and lusty blows West End subsided somewhat and were all out for 130. Winkie 2-20, Shakes 2-20.

A nice end to a glorious summers day at Wenvoe.

Thank you again Goff

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