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Match report vs.Sudbrook 2 July @Sudbrook (skipper Richie, report A Furnham)

Sweaty bollocks all round today as we made our way near to the Second Severn Crossing for surely one of the hottest days the Casz have ever played. The main concern was the type of team they would put out and although they had to do a bit of chasing up they managed 11 with a mixture of 3 first team and then a mixture of 2nds, 3rds and kids. One of the kids was a 14 year old girl who looked about 12 but more about her later.

Rich won the toss from the rather nice pavilion with our changing rooms upstairs and the nicest smelling toilets ever. In fact although being one of those people extremely reluctant to dump away from home I would have happily had one here either upstairs or down. Upon winning the toss he called down from the balcony that we would bat which was the only choice on such a day

Last week when we were batting it was pretty boring to say the least and I was fielding. This week was of similar non excitement-in fact it was boring as shite. They opened with a 14 year old and a left armer who was pretty good. The score plodded along and we were on 7 after 6 over with this week J Furnham keeping M Stephens company. Mark did not make 49 this week, in fact he made nothing which surprised most of us as he was there till over 7 when he was early on one which he hit in the air to cover off the 14 year old with the name of Mellons. 8 for 1. J Pike was in next and upped the rate straight away by punishing anything loose until caught and bowled by the nippy Archer for 14 which included 3 fours. Two of these fours were all run which did not please Furnham too much. 27 for 2

This brought Gough to the crease and as usual we were relying on him to score big but it didn’t happen as he played a crap shot to a crap ball and was caught for 1. 28 for 3 and now we were in a spot of bother.

Easy joined JF who was scoring at a strike rate far lower than usual. In fact when he was given out LBW in over number 21 he had only scored 14. Jamie had made him run two fours (one should have been five) and now gave him out LBW! 42 for 4.

Easy hung around to score 10 including one shot through the leg side that must have gave him a lot of pleasure. Not so though when he was caught off the bowling of "Young Slow Bowler" as it says in the book for 10. 42 for 5.

Matthew Smith as he absolutely hates to be called was in next and swore he was going to play straight which he did for 7 including a lovely four. He then fatefully played across a straight one. 52 for 6 in over 25.

Captain Rich was now in with Andy Hood and somewhere along the line they decided to give us a few runs or at least that was the idea. The book says "Asian Chap" and "Girl" to describe the bowling combination. The girl looked about 12 but was 14 which is year 9 or form 3 for us oldies. Instead of giving us runs her first was a maiden and second only went for two. In her third over Rich popped one up in the air which fell safe so Shakes on the balcony was moaning " spank her , its a fucking girl". This was obviously a bit rich coming from the biggest non spanker of the lot. I think Rich prefers to spank older girls as two balls later he hit it straight down the throat of mid on and was out for 10. 73 for 7 in the 33rd.

Lewis then came in to join Hood and now the girl did get a little bit of a spanking. Dan its fair to say was not feeling 100% after the previous evening so he decided to twat a few boundaries while Andy accumulated 12 before being stumped by miles off the girl which umpire Furnham will tell you was a really good ball. The girl finished on 6-1-21-2 and didn’t seem to get all that excited when she took the wickets.

Easy was by now updating the electronic scoreboard , Shakes got excited as Dan reached ten so six of us had reached double figures and our new boy Dewbs was running out of fags as he became more nervous as he time was approaching. It did and he faced his first ball from the girl and I was beginning to think I would have to bat.

No worries though as our new boy was 7th into double figures and made 13 until run out from the last ball. He almost killed Dan in the process and despite telling him to only hit boundaries Dewbs hit a 3 which almost finished Dan off. Our little spurt at the end took us to a woeful and I mean woeful 114 from 40 overs. Yes there was very little easy stuff to hit but we did not cover ourselves in glory it is fair to say. We should have done a lot, lot better.

Dan who top scored with 18 not out was at tea time to put it bluntly, fucked. He was hungry but couldn’t eat and it looked like he wouldn’t be able to bowl. The rest of us though had a very enjoyable tea and was at £3 a head-worth it.

We had to recover some pride in the field as we had not done ourselves justice with the bat. Andy and somehow Dan opened up and bowled spells out of the top draw. Hood bowled 2 and Dan had one caught behind by Gough and one bowled which gave Goughy great pleasure as he had taken a dislike (there is always one) to him. It’s to do with Dewbs when he was batting so ask Goughy about it. They were 6 for 4 but we knew the big boys were still waiting in the wings.

Hoods first spell was 5-3-3-2 and Dan 6-3-8-2. Impressive.

They then put on over 60 for the next wicket with one adult and a rather good kid about 12 who although not scoring much was tough to get out. Dewbs made his bowling entrance and despite being rusty and a touch nerves found his spot and bowled 8-1-25-0 on the spin. He will be stiff in the morning that is for sure. (so will I of course and didn’t bowl). On another day he would have picked up a couple of wickets but was most unlucky.

Shakes was also in the groove at the other end and finished with 7-1-28-0 and again could have had a few. At this point I have to mention Goughy. As you know time and time again we have relied on this man to make runs for us and time and time again he delivers. He would take plenty of wickets if he bowled more and is keeping is usually top draw. Not today though. In his words "I kept like a twat" as we think he dropped four catches. My brother tried to cheer him up later by saying "At least you scored a run" which had many of us in stitches.

Rich now decided to bring Andy and Dan back as they were on 57 for 4 at the end of over 26. Slow going indeed. Andy did the trick as the guy who had just passed 50 (out of 69) hit one to me which I managed to hold on to.72 for 5. Andy finished on 8-5-8-3 and Dan despite half pissed 8-3-2-12. Great stuff boys.

Jamie and J Furnham (fresh from his 3 last week) took over and Jamie despite taking the term "variation" a little bit far at times bowled the kid who was there for ages for 13 and also the "asian chap" for 3. We had them 7 down but their skipper who bats low down for the firsts was a tidy player as was the guy in at the end by which time they were almost home and dry.

Furnham bowled well again and was unlucky to finish with figures of 3.3-0-33-0. We had pushed them all the way at least and everyone and I mean everyone bowled really well. They made it in the 38th over and didn’t even need the girl to bat. It would have been interesting to see what they had done had they chased 200 or what they would have scored had they batted first. What is for sure is that we let ourselves down first half but bounced back superbly in the field in what is a wonderful place to play cricket. At the end we were much happier than we had been at half time. It was hot and it was long and slow scoring but turned out to be a pretty decent game. Its not everyday you drive through a place called Undy and get to see legs so white that they dazzled off the sun. Those legs belong to M Stephens.


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