Match Report vs Usk 23th
July 2023 @ Wenvoe (Skipper Jim, report DT)
It was one of those Sundays when you don’t really expect
to be playing Cricket! Saturday, the rain had “wanked
it down” all day, and any sensible person could have,
rightly expected not to be playing the next day. Any normal
person in these circumstances would then stay up drinking
wine until 3am in the full knowledge that they could have
a lie in the following morning, and not be required to run
round a field the next afternoon.
However, Sunday was sunny and warm and the Caszh were on
tenterhooks awaiting the 11am pitch inspection, some with
more enthusiasm than others. 11am came and went and the news
was “the game is on”. This was not met with joy
in all Casual households, and some were questioning whether
a 1pm start was reasonable and whether 1.30 would be better.
1pm it was!
The Caszh arrived at the picturesque town of Usk at 1245ish
to see the oppo still preparing the pitch. All were there
apart from Goff, apparently there had been an issue with the
“washing machine” being broken (his scullery maid
had finally snapped and downed tools unless he agreed to her
demands of one half day off per month and a raise that actually
included cash not better hand me down clothes). In the process
of sorting this issue he felt a twinge in his side (bending
down over the cellar stairs to see the scullery maid through
the dim light of the 15w bulb she had been allowed following
the previous “breakdown). He thought nothing of this
at the time, but it would later become an issue.
The 1pm start time came and went. Captain Jim was eventually
persuaded to locate the Usk skipper and make the walk to the
middle to toss up. The result. Lost the toss, casuals into
bat. The openers Capt. Jim and Rob made their way out to start
the match at 1.30. Now, despite this being the time suggested
by Steveo for the commencement of the match he voiced his
discontent with this outcome! You just can’t please
some people!!!
After a slow start 0 from 2 overs things didn’t get
much quicker and this would be the story of the day. Getting
the ball past the fielders would be a struggle, mostly due
to good bowling and fielding by both sides but also a slow
outfield. Jim did manage a couple of 4’s before being
bowled for 15 in the 7th over (23-1). In a surprise selection,
to nobody, Will came in at 3. The scoring rate did not increase.
With 4 fours and one six in his 34, Will was out caught in
the 23rd over (87-2). Rob at the other end was playing the
role of someone finding it very hard to score any runs but
he was staying in and his fortunes would improve. Steveo was
next in. Steveo, Steveo, Steveo!! He was not having a good
day and it was not to improve with bat in hand. After 3 balls
he was bowled in the 24 over for 2. (90-3). Steveo remained
at the crease to assist the keeper in reassembling the stumps
and as he was leaving the field Goff was explaining the “Steveo
lottery” to the oppo. Steveo was slightly miffed at
this. (For the uninitiated Steveo lotto was the prediction
of how many balls he would face before inevitably missing
a straight one. However, as Steveo has been batting very well
of late the fun has somewhat gone out of this pastime). Steveo
was about as miffed a Tony Martin was when he shot the teenage
intruder or as miffed as the UK was with the bankers in 2008.
There was some swearing, but a bin absorbed most of his wrath.
The oppo asked us to have a word with him and we said we would,
but nobody really fancied it, so we didn’t. Newby Tom
said he would go and sit with him and that was that.
Before Tom went to sit with Steveo he had to go out and bat.
Up to this point he had not scored a run for the Caszh. This
is still the case! (94-4 in the 25th). Dave W was in at 6
having agreed to play despite a knee injury, which thankfully
did not bother him for the duration of the match, as he injured
his groin, which did. He put on a 33 run partnership with
the stoical Rob before the latter was bowled for 38 in the
33rd over (127-5). This brought George W out to join his dad,
in what I believe was his Casuals debut. The partnership was
not to last long as he was run out. There was definitely a
run there in George’ opinion or in his own words “if
that useless old c*** had moved is fat a*** there was a definite
f****** run there, w*****” ( I am paraphrasing) - we
sent Tom to calm him down!!(143-6)
It was at about this time that the Usk keeper collapsed behind
the stumps after taking the ball...sorry after taking one
in the ball's sans box. His teammates were, guess which is
correct
Extremely worried about him
Indifferent and taking the massive piss
Newby Sanay was in at 8. Now, Sanay did not look like a casual!
He is young, fit and looks like a cricketer. Dave W was next
to fall for 28 in the 37th and Goffy joined Sanay. (145-7)
Sanay was run out for 1 two overs later. He’s a Casual!
(146-8). This brought Liam out to the middle at 10 despite
his heroics in the week, no movement up the order. Goff was
not with him for long caught for 0 (147-9). This brought DT
to the crease. Statistically, (well anecdotally, as Shakey
can’t be arsed to work it out) DT coming into bat is
usually associated with a casual's loss. DT ran 2 byes!!!
And then scored a 2 that was so nearly a 4!!! Casuals end
on 151. Probably not enough but scoring was difficult, so
you never know.
No tea from the oppo so that of the homemade variety was
consumed the highlight of which was Will’ very large
piece of cake which was in truth probably a whole loaf tin
size cake!!
Goff and Liam opened the bowling for the Caszh. Unfortunately,
after 2 overs Goffy succumbed to his side strain and asked
to be removed from the attack. At the other end Liam was struggling
with line and length and also with not being hit to the boundary
for 4’s!! DT replaced Goffy and after his 4 overs Sanay
replaced Liam. With spin (and accurate spin at that, who knew
that was possible) from both ends, the Usk scoring dried up
Sanay took the 1st wicket in the 16th over (64-1) and the
2nd in the 18th (69-2). DT toiled away at the other end and
even though it was, (not my words, but I wholeheartedly agree)
probably his best bowling spell he got fuck all for it. George
W replaced DT and Steveo replaces Sanay. Both bowled well.
Sorry, George bowled well and got nothing, Steveo bowled absolute
garbage and took the next wicket thanks to a sharp catch at
square leg by George. (109-3 in the 400th over or that’s
what it felt like) (Ed. note: fall of wicket is really immaterial
as Usk were retiring at 30). Despite, or perhaps because of,
his earlier outburst cries, of STEVEO, STEVEO, STEVEO, once
again rang out from the opposition supporters during his spell,
he does love an audience though!!
The writing was on the wall at this point. Will replaces
Steveo and Tom replaced George for the final over which turned
out to be the 37th. A very good game played in a, mostly,
good spirit. We remained behind for several rounds in the
clubhouse
G.Day 2-0-7-0
L, Warren 4-0-31-0
D.Thomas 8-3-19-0
S. Goyal 8-0-24-2
G White 6-1-25-0
S O’Reilly 5-0-28-1
W. Mason-Wilkes 3-0-10-0
T Druce 0.4-0-2-0
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