Match Report vs Barry West End 28 May 2023 @ The Island (Skipper Luvvers, report DT)

Sometimes the Casuals play like they were just introduced to each other, and the game of Cricket that day. Sometimes individuals shine above a cesspit of mediocrity and win the day. Sometimes we play well and lose, sometimes we play poorly and win. But sometimes, on very rare occasions we play as we did in this match.

This report was going to feature Phillip Scofield abuse chat (one of the West End team seemed to have some sort of “Scofield” based nickname, although there were no Phillips or Scofields in their team and none of them seemed to bear any likeness to him. Hopefully there is no more sinister reason!!!!) and would also have featured some Gavin and Stacey stuff (the burger van is now called Dans Uncle Bryns, where u can enjoy a “Gavalar” burger with some “Dirty Doris” fries). However this match requires a different treatment.

I thought I would turn to the great cricket brains to get some inspiration for my report

Nevile Cardus said “A true batsman should In most of his strokes tell the truth about himself.” - Bad luck Steveo

He also said, “A snick by Jack Hobbs is a sort of disturbance of a cosmic orderliness”, the same could be said about our own WMW. Luckily for him cosmic luck has very much been on his side for the last 2 Sundays which have seen 2 NB reprieves, and 3 dropped catches.

Dale Steyn said “I don’t think age matters. In cricket if you have the skill, you can go on playing.” and if you are a casual even the skill is optional you just need to be available!

And this lovely quote by Linda Lovelace, star of Deep Throat “Cricket is like sex films. They relive frustration and tension”

“A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman” Price Phillip. Unless of course that Madman is Rob.

And so to the game

An early arrival at the ground was necessitated by glorious weather drawing in bank holiday crowds. The Caszh parked their cars a lusty blow and a half from the square and made their way to the pavilion to await the toss. By the time the two skippers made their way to the middle, West End were in their whites and ready to go, the Casuals were still in “civvies” and some were eating chips (ES). Therefore, it was no surprise that West End decided to bowl as they wanted to get the game underway (this decision would cost the West End skipper a 50p fine for winning the toss, not opting to bat and, spoiler alert, losing).

The openers, Luvvers and Handsome Steve, made their way out to the middle. Luvvers appeared to be moving more easily than in the last few games. I was a steady start to the game and, not wanting to test the skippers fitness, running was kept to the risk-free variety. There was a four a piece and a lovely six for the skip in the first 6 overs with 23 runs on the board. Handsome Steve was struggling to score and met his end in the 7th over (6). Jesus joined Luvvers, an epithet that definitely fits at the moment as he seems to be able to walk on water when batting. The next 4 overs contined in the same vein, with steady scoring (I am pretty sure that at least one of Wills “lives” was in this period, with a drop behind the stumps). After 11 the score was on 34. Luvvers and Will began to open their shoulders from the 12th and the score was on 92 by the drinks break with Luvvers reaching his 50.

A new bowler started his spell after the drinks break and unfortunately, Luvvers fell to his 1st ball (50). Cheese was in at 4 and once he had got his eye in the steady accumulation of runs recommenced. Will (52) was next to fall, but not after surviving another drop by the keeper and a further one in the outfield, in the 30th over with the score on 144. Steveo sashayed his way out to the middle to join Ed. The usual predictions for his demise were noted but on this “day of days” they were confounded, he fell in the 35th over (18) with the score on 189, and it would have been a brave, nay, foolish man that would have gone with 17 balls.

With 5 overs remaining and batting to come it was time to have a bash and No 6 Rob certainly did, with 28 from 11 balls which included a six over Dans Bryns Burgers and another through the West End changing room window!!! Cheese (58) was next to go (bowled) with the score on 207 and Jim joined Rob (28) who was next to go with the score on 127 in the final over. Paul (0) fell to the final ball LBW with Jim on 2. Casuals finish on 229.

Tea would be in the Club at the end of the match so it was packed lunches or a trip to Dans Uncle Bryns burger van. One other incident of note in the causals innings was the quick hands of DT and Rob preventing the table umbrella from lifting off, the oppo scorer was not so quick and his launched itself, landing on the clubhouse roof.

The Casuals took to the field and this is really when the magic really started!

Goffy opened from the railway end with Liam at the pavilion end. Liam got the 1st wicket with his 1st ball 1 for 6 off 1. He took his 2nd wicket in his next over. Both were caught behind......... by Jim!! 18 for 2. Both continued to bowl well – mostly unplayable balls but the odd loose delivery being hit to the boundary over the very quick outfield. Goff took the next wicket in the 9th over, bowled and followed it up, next ball, with another wicket of similar provenance. 4 for 46

Rob and DT took over and the runs did not flow. Rob took the next, caught by Handsome Steve in a wicket maiden (one of 3 maidens in his spell) 50 for 5. DT took the next wicket in the 18th over (despite bowling quite a lot of dross they couldn’t hit it, as stated it was one of those days) with Goffy taking a one handed “worldie” diving to his left. 67 for 6

Up next it was Handsome Steve and Pablo. HS started with a bit of a loosener over (8 runs) but only went for 2 more runs off his next 3. Pablo took a wicket in his 1st over with HS taking another catch this time at slip and at the second attempt 80 for 7. He took 2 more wickets in his 2nd over with consecutive deliveries (and then bowled a “dog shit delivery” for the hat trick ball) 80 for 9.

Steveo and Cheese took, what would turn out to be, the final 2 overs. Steveo’s over was met with cheers and cries of “Steveo, Steveo, Steveo” from the opposition. Now, whilst most of the West End team had gone with a whimper ,the opener was still there and was joined, for the final two overs by his son. He had not been particularly vocal up to this point. But once his son joined him he took a 'coaching' role and 'encouraging' his son to play “properly”... He topped his display by running his son out just after he'd got to 50!. So with the last man run out, West end finished on 107 all out in the 30th over. Casuals win by 122

G Day 5 0 2 25

L Warren 5 0 2 25

R Owens 5 3 1 6

DT 5 0 1 15

S Biggs 4 1 0 10

P Stevens 4 0 3 13

S Oreilly 1 0 0 10

E Stewart 1 0 0 4 (maybe another scoring delivery off the over but it is unreadable-poss 4 NB? But I don’t remember that)

We retired to the West end club for copious amounts of sandwiches and sausage rolls and the entertaining spectacle of the West End fines committee.

Just to finish with a couple more quotes one from M S Dhoni “No cricket team in the world depends on one or two players. The team always plays to win” Probably not always true of the Caszh but it was today.

And finally one that was quoted during the game “Mind the windows Tino” Andrew Flintoff

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